It started with a yearning, shared equally by the three County Amigas, to spend the day together on a stretch of familiar sand overlooking Lake Ontario. Of course, to make it come together satisfactorily, they required a plan to suit everyone.
To make their task more challenging the planning would have to be conducted - where her input was concerned - via email and voice mail to mercifully accommodate her deep-seated aversion to talking on the telephone.
So ...
Back and forth, round and round the three of them went - emails chasing voice mails chasing emails. What about this day, or that? What time is good for this amiga, and for that amiga, and for her?
And ...
Shall they eat somewhere? If so, where and in what price range? Before the beach or after?
Also ...
Does anyone have to be home at a certain time? If so, when?
Finally ...
What about snacks and beverages for the beach? Is a cooler necessary? What about beach umbrellas? Who is bringing what?
At one point her head started to hurt trying to hold all the bits and pieces together. Yet, at the same time, she enjoys the planning and negotiating process because she loves working with others to come up with a plan where everyone is satisfied with the end result. It feels like assembling a puzzle. It's honest work which requires an honest effort by all concerned.
She isn't sure when she realized she can't be happy if others she is involved with - in work or in play - are unhappy but she remembers feeling infuriated by what she deemed as "unfairness" even as a child. Needless to say she has acted both unfairly and selfishly many times while in the process of maturing. But, it hasn't pleased her to be, and to act, so.
She also realizes, more and more, how much better the result is when "two or more are gathered" for the purpose of solving a problem, imagining an outcome and/or executing a well-thought out and discussed plan of action. Approaching life and its challenges this way feels wholesome and, frankly, delicious to her.
The real trick to this "consensus approach" is finding people with whom she feels completely open, accepted and respected and with whom she offers this in return. It all boils down to trust.
Under these conditions she finds even though she receives less of the pie being divvied up she is satisfied because she is able to eat her share in the company of friends.
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